Head in the Clouds

I've had a lot of time to think lately. I've come to a lot of conclusions about myself, and I'm pretty happy about it. I know I say that a lot, but that's alright. Life is constant self-discovery and reinvention, right?

I realized that I felt very held down. Still do. But I've got plans, routes of escape, places to hide. I feel more free. I feel more at ease.

I realized I blamed a lot of other people for the way that I felt. Especially one person in particular. It was no ones fault but my own though. I needed to step back to see through it.

Now I just feel relaxed. Independent. Niki used to always say I would never be happy until I realized I liked myself much better alone. She's always right. I miss her a lot. She was the only one brave enough to be honest with me. I think I sometimes held that against her.

I still feel a little bit behind with my daily life. I have homework piling up. Forms I need to fill out. Applications I need to get in. It's too hard though with the way the weather has been lately. All I can think of is bbq's, roller skating and laying outside with a stack of good books. Fuck it I guess. If worse comes to worse I can just disappear and live on a farm. Ha.

If I don't say much next time you see me, don't feel bad. I've taken to observing more than speaking lately. If you'd like to talk, though, I would be more than happy to listen.